so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
