Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Who died my cat blue again?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
