So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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