I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
