used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
