he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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