I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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