My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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