Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
