I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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