Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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