Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
