I faked an abortion last night.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
