I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
