4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
