i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
bring money and cleavage
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
