Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize