I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
