Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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