people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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