you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
