I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've blown a few things in my day
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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