Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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