Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
