dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
