i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I will be naked everywhere
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
