Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
