She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
