My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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