end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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