Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
