it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
