I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
