I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize