You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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