i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The uberlube is also flammable
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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