Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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