yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
