i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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