it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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