Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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