you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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