Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
