you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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