I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
