FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
