i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I believe in your delicious
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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