Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
