Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
