dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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