Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize