Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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