I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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