Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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