I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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