That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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