i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I could have mohawked her pubes.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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