Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
