Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
