Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
