My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
