Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize