well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
