oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
