But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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