I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
