bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
