Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
