i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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