the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
