The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
