Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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