It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
try to milk me bitch
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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