you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
