Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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