i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
