Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
