I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize