Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
