You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just high enough for therapy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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