I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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