I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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