I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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