ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
