Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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