i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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