Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
