So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
