Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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