tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize