am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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